GUSIGA CARNIVAL


Clarice Lispector

Oya, ntabwo biva muri iyi karnivali yanyuma. Ariko sinzi impamvu yantwaye mu bwana bwanjye no ku wa gatatu w’ivu ku mihanda yapfuye aho imigozi y’inzoka na confetti yagurukaga. Umwe cyangwa undi ufite umwenda utwikiriye umutwe yagiye mu rusengero, yambuka umuhanda ubusa cyane ku buryo bikurikira karnivali. Kugeza undi mwaka uza. Kandi mugihe ibirori byari byegereje, nigute wasobanura imyigaragambyo ya hafi yantwaye? Nkaho amaherezo isi yakwifungura ukoresheje buto yari muri roza nini itukura. Nkaho imihanda nibibuga bya Recife amaherezo yasobanuye ibyo bakorewe. Nkaho amajwi yabantu amaherezo yaririmbye ubushobozi bwo kwinezeza byari ibanga muri njye. Carnival yari uwanjye, uwanjye.
Ariko, mubyukuri, nabigizemo uruhare ruto. Sinari narigeze njya mumupira wabana, ntabwo bigeze bintekereza. Ku rundi ruhande, barandetse ndahaguma kugeza saa 11 z’ijoro ku nsi y’ingazi mu mujyi twabayemo, dushishikariye kureba abandi bishimisha. Natsinze ibintu bibiri by’agaciro icyo gihe ndabikiza umururumba wo kumara iminsi itatu: utangiza parufe n’umufuka wa confetti. Ah, biragoye kwandika. Kuberako numva nzaba umutima wijimye igihe namenye ko, nubwo nongeyeho bike mubyishimo, nari mfite inyota kuburyo ntakintu nakimwe cyanteye umukobwa wishimye.
N’amasike? Nagize ubwoba, ariko byari ubwoba bwingirakamaro kandi bukenewe kuko byahuye no gukeka kwanjye ko isura yumuntu nayo yari mask. Ku muryango w’ingazi yanjye, niba umuntu wipfutse mu maso yaravuganye nanjye, nahise mpura n’umubano w’ingenzi n’isi yanjye y’imbere, itari igizwe na elve gusa n’ibikomangoma byarogeye, ahubwo ni abantu bafite amayobera yabo. Ndetse ubwoba bwanjye nabipfutse ubusa byari ngombwa kuri njye.
Ntibigeze banshimisha: mu gihe mpangayikishijwe na mama urwaye, nta muntu wo mu rugo wari ufite umutwe wa karnivali y’abana. Ariko nasabye umwe muri bashiki banjye kogosha umusatsi ugororotse byanteye isesemi cyane, hanyuma ngira ubusa bwo kugira umusatsi wikigina byibuze iminsi itatu kumwaka. Muri iyo minsi itatu, na n’ubu, mushiki wanjye yemeye inzozi zanjye zo kuba umukobwa – Sinashoboraga gutegereza gusohoka mu bwana bugarijwe n’ibibazo – kandi nashushanyije umunwa na lipstick ikomeye cyane, kandi nza kuntama. Numvaga rero ari mwiza nigitsina gore, narokotse mubuhungu.
Ariko habaye karnivali itandukanye nabandi. Igitangaza cyane kuburyo ntashobora kwizera ko nahawe byinshi, njye, nari maze kwiga gusaba bike. Ni uko nyina w’inshuti yanjye yariyemeje kwambara umukobwa we kandi izina ry’imyambarire yari mu myambarire Rosa. Kubwibyo yari yaguze impapuro nimpapuro zimpapuro zijimye zijimye, nkeka ko, yashakaga kwigana ibibabi byururabyo. Gufungura umunwa, narebye fantasy igenda ifata imiterere no kwirema ubwayo. Nubwo impapuro za crepe zitari kure yibutsa amababi, natekereje cyane ko arimwe mubitekerezo byiza cyane nabonye.
Nibwo ibitunguranye byabaye kubwamahirwe yoroshye: impapuro za crepe zagumyeho, nibindi byinshi. Kandi nyina w’inshuti yanjye – ahari mu gusubiza icyifuzo cyanjye cyo guceceka, kwiheba kwanjye gucecetse, cyangwa wenda kubera ubugwaneza bukabije, kubera ko impapuro zari zisigaye – yahisemo kunkorera imyenda yijimye hamwe n’ibisigaye mu bikoresho. Muri iyo karnivali, kunshuro yambere mubuzima bwanjye, nagira ibyo nahoraga nifuza: bigiye kuba ikindi kitari njye.
Ndetse imyiteguro yamaze kuntera umutwe n’ibyishimo. Sinari narigeze numva ko mpuze cyane: nitonze, njye n’inshuti yanjye twabaze byose, munsi yigitekerezo twakoresheje guhuza, kuko iyo imvura iguye kandi igitekerezo kigashonga, byibuze twaba twambaye – igitekerezo cyimvura izahita idusiga,
umukobwa wacu wimyaka umunani kwiyoroshya kumuhanda, mbere twapfuye kubera isoni – ariko ah! Imana yadufasha! ntabwo imvura yagwa! Kubijyanye nuko igitekerezo cyanjye kibaho gusa kubera ibisigisigi byuwundi, namize ububabare ubwibone bwanjye, bwahoraga bukaze, kandi nemera nicishije bugufi ibyo byampaye imfashanyo.
Ariko ni ukubera iki mubyukuri iyo karnivali, imwe rukumbi mubitekerezo, yagombaga kwishima cyane? Ku cyumweru mu gitondo kare ku cyumweru, umusatsi wanjye wogoshe kugirango kugeza nyuma ya saa sita isaro risa neza. Ariko iminota ntiyarenganye, hamwe n’amaganya menshi. Ibyo ari byo byose, uko byagenda kose! Byari saa tatu nyuma ya saa sita: witondere kudatanyagura impapuro, nambaye ibara ry’umuhondo.
Ibintu byinshi byambayeho bibi cyane kurenza ibi, namaze kubabarira. Ariko, sinshobora no kubyumva nonaha: umukino wumukino wa craps ntiwumvikana? Ni ubugome. Igihe nari nambaye impapuro zitwaje intwaro zuzuye, ndacyogoshe umusatsi kandi ndacyafite lipstick na rouge – mama yahise arushaho kuba mubi mubuzima bwe, havuka imvururu zitunguranye murugo nuko bategetse kugura imiti vuba muri farumasi.

Nagiye kwiruka nambaye ibara ryijimye – ariko mu maso hanjye haracyari nambaye ubusa nta maska ​​yumukobwa yari gupfukirana ubuzima bwanjye bwana bwana – narirutse, niruka, ndumirwa, ndumirwa, mubatemba, confetti na karnivali. Ibyishimo by’abandi byarantangaje.
Nyuma y’amasaha, umwuka murugo watuje, mushiki wanjye yaranshushanyijeho amarangi. Ariko hari ikintu cyari cyarapfiriye muri njye. Kandi, nkuko biri mu nkuru nari nasomye kuri peri zarogeje kandi zanga abantu, narumiwe; ntiyari akiri roza, yongeye kuba umukobwa woroshye. Namanutse mumuhanda mpagarara aho ntabwo nari indabyo, nari clown yatekereje ifite iminwa itukura. Mu nzara yanjye yo kwishima, rimwe na rimwe natangiye kumva nishimye ariko nicujije nibutse ubuzima bwa mama ndongera ndapfa.
Nyuma yamasaha gusa agakiza karaje. Niba kandi nahise mwihambiraho, ni ukubera ko nari nkeneye kwikiza nabi. Umuhungu ufite imyaka igera kuri 12, kuri njye byasobanuraga umuhungu, uyu muhungu mwiza cyane yahagaze imbere yanjye, maze avanze urukundo, umubyimba, gukina no kwiyumvisha ibintu, yipfuka umusatsi, bimaze kugororoka, hamwe na confetti: mukanya twahagumye kutureba, kumwenyura, nta kuvuga. Hanyuma, njye, umukecuru wimyaka 8, natekereje ijoro ryose ko amaherezo umuntu yamenye: yego, nari roza.
Inkuru ngufi yasohotse mu gitabo Felicidade Clandestina, Ed. Rocco.

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