I’ve never been this close

Alan Michel Santiago Nina

I’ve never been this close to touching your body
So close to the royal fable
So close to cotton sting.
My manly hands a second from your muscles,
In an exclusive aura of testosterone,
Breathing the will to transcend.
I’m feeling you here,
Invading my trash can,
Dominating myself with a blind knife,
With the foolish strokes of teddy bears.
Growl pleases
Verses are sung
Beautiful ballet steps
Inside a suffocating jacket.
Never been this close to consuming me
And to hide in the streets
But I was still afraid to show my body
To the blind,
Because I vegetate in my rushing river.
And when it’s finally poisoned
I’ll put on Carnival masks and dance at will
And I will be so afraid that I will be terrified of losing my fear;
I will reveal myself to the purest Saint,
Reaching the immeasurable depth.
After all, I’ve never been closer to the summit,
Although I know the steps of ants
And the generations that extend to the rain
In the insane line of photographs.
I’ve never been this close to being dominated by dominance.
Stupid to be!
The school houses worms with standardized shells
And I come across hateful skirts and beautiful shorts,
In two bathrooms,
In empty light,
In textbooks,
In system slave teachers,
In robots designed for ciranda:
Maria’s blue face and João’s pink skin.
Grotesque animals
Sweaty bodies and strong men
Biceps and meat
Life and beauty
I’ve never been this close to Revelation,
To see myself at the bottom of the river, rotting,
Knowing that I’m tied to the wild anchor,
Because I’m just a man,
Hand to screen projection
Repetitive and natural.
I’ve never been this close to giving in …
A lifetime at a step
And a step taken for a lifetime
In the mismatch of time,
In the turtle that lives over a hundred years,
Weakening my tiny greatness:
I even think I have lived too long.
I’m opaque, a dog sniffing the bone,
A friend wanting to extend his shoulder,
Fighting his own desire.
I’ve never been this close,
Even though I was always so far away.

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